gone&back again

why does progress feel so scary?
i am an imposter, aren’t i
but maybe that’s the point
i should feel different
more so, what will happen to the old version
do i need to say goodbye?
i feel as if i’ve planned a million funerals
each one, i’m being buried
i’m giving the eulogy
i’m memorialising
i’m crying
i say goodbye

how come i want to change so bad but also can’t help but feel bad for letting myself go
after all, i want this
but maybe in order to figure out who i am i have to start the change first
if a tree falls in a forest…
i feel like a new person all the time, its constant
its a never ending, somewhat startling realisation.

however, i no longer need to be understood,
simply compatibility
on any scale
connection really drives us
i find this alone
i find this with some people
but i don’t care to search for it
only to live it as it comes